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You grew up in Nebraska if...
by Connie Streeter

Many of my readers may have been asking themselves what it is like to have grown up in rural Nebraska. For those who have wondered, here are some clues.

• You know how to polka, but never tried it sober....
• You know what “knee-high by the Fourth of July” means.
• You know the difference between “Green” and “Red” farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!
• You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm or Tractor Supply Co.
• You hear someone use the word “oof-dah” or “Holy Buckets” and you don't break into uncontrollable laughter.
• You or someone you know was a “Beef Queen” or “Dairy Princess” at the county fair.
• You know that “combine” is a noun.
• You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter, or peeing on a electric fence.  
• You know that “creek” rhymes with “pick”.
• Football schedules, branding calves and weaning, hunting season and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.
• If the sun is out, it's really windy, and you’re getting wet....better get on upside to moving livestock.
• Saturday you go to your local bowling alley.
• Cruising “Main” lasts for six blocks.
• There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning... phew!
• You have driven your car on the lake.
• You can make sense of “upnort” and “batree”.
• Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
• Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
• If a road you're driving on has more than three curves to a mile.....you are nearing or in the Sand Hills.
• Your vocabulary still includes, “Yes, Ma’am” and “No, Sir”
• The local gas station sells live bait, next to the local jerked beef and homemade jam.
• At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.
• You understand that brakes on silage trucks are considered a luxury.
• “Bulldoggin'“ is an event.
• As the American flag passes, you are on your feet and have removed your hat, your hand is over your heart, or someone behind you gives you a slap-on-the-head reminder to do so.
• You think that the start of deer and pheasant season is a national holiday.
• You understand the true meaning to “snipe” hunting.
• Pop is the only name for soda.
• The trip into town for school takes longer than your lunch period.
• “Crown Royal” has nothing to do with nobility.
• You actually understand these jokes and will forward them to all your Nebraska friends!

Connie Streeter is a writer living in Alexandria, Virginia.

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